Ok, ok, this is the same day as the last post. But I can’t sleep, so I though, why not?
So, basically, when I got back from four months in sunny Nicaragua, I found myself deep in the throes of a FREEZING New England winter, which is where I’m from. And I mean FREEZING. And SO much snow. And I made a discovery about myself — I much prefer to be sweating than shivering.
After three weeks of being at home, my grandmother died, 😦 , and so right before I headed back to the spring semester, I flew to Kansas City to the funeral, and then from there, flew to the midwest. (And yes, I’m leaving the location vague on purpose. PRIVACYY)
It only took me about two weeks to realize I wasn’t where I needed to be. It started with Jane Eyre.
I love Jane Eyre.
I love it a lot.
I love that Jane is such a real character, in a time when that couldn’t be said for many female characters in literature. I loved that she isn’t this beautiful, giggly, blonde-haired girl with flowing locks. And she’s witty. And, it’s such a delightfully spooky book at the same time. So, yeah, I love the book. What I DON’T love, is having to improvise bullshit inner meanings, or comb through the second for literary devices. And by the end of the first week, I was starting to dislike Jane Eyre, and that FREAKED me out.
Add onto that some family drama, cramming classes because of transfer credits, claustrophobia, and I kinda had a breakdown.
I felt that I had to be where I was, and I didn’t want to be. I felt stuck. I wasn’t sleeping. I was depressed. I kept on having self-degrading thoughts about my self-worth. Stupid, lazy, loser, etc. I was extremely overwhelmed with work that didn’t feel meaningful. And, I kept on thinking about what I had loved the most about Nicaragua. I kept on thinking about this group of kids I taught English to, and the sense of community in Nica which is so different from the US, and walking everywhere, and feeling connected to everything around me.
So I made a drastic change. I dropped out of college. Well, technically, I took a leave of absence, to “keep the door open” even though I couldn’t imagine returning. I knew I wanted to finish my degree, but I felt there was some other stuff I had to do before.
People have asked me, “What did your parents say?” And my parents were fully supportive of the idea because they are adventurers and travelers themselves. Also, they could tell I was very unhappy at school, and I had to do what was best for me.
All of a sudden I found myself back home on the east coast, and I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. Going to college is convenient because it gives you a plan, and I had just pulled the plan out from beneath me. I had received from my deceased grandparents a small sum of money to put towards education, and I made the decision to expand “education” to outside the classroom. So I signed up for a TEFL course in Leon, Nicaragua, and a few short months later, I found myself on a plane flying back to the place I had left! Life is funny sometimes. Part II of my Nicaraguan adventure!