Should I stay or should I go?

I got overwhelmed while writing the last post and never completed it.  It does feel too exausting to get into too much detail, so I´ll just summarize:

  • family in Arganda Del Rey didn´t work out because the mother was basically evil.
  • It became evident I had to get out ASAP.  Booked a flight back to England to stay with my aunt and uncle.
  • Was contacted by a cousin who told me her uncle lived in Spain and I could stay with him if I wanted to.
  • Took her up on the offer, cancelled my ticket for full refund, stayed with him and his wife for a week.  They were incredibly nice and welcoming.  So grateful.
  • Decided to book a much cheaper flight to England, but the day I booked it, was introduced to another Spanish family who seemed really nice.  Basically they managed to convince me to stay and give it a try with them for a few weeks so I wouldn´t leave with a bad impression of Spain.
  • Cancelled my ticket a second time to England!
  • Moved in with second family day before yesterday.

So how´s it going with family 2?  I sincerely wish I could say it was 100 percent wonderful, but then again, nothing in this life is 100 percent positive, at least not in MY life.  Trying  to live in the present, take it day by day, but to be honest, I might leave this situation as well…I guess I feel lonely?  And bored.  And tired at the same time.  And sometimes I fee like my time would be better spent getting a job, a drivers license, and a place to live back in MA before I (hopefully) start at the University of Massachusetts.

What this whole trip has made me realize is how social isolation is not something I need in my life at the moment.  And I need to be ACTIVE.

This whole trip, from the very beginning, has been wrought with difficulty.  First, my flight was cancelled because of the very first blizzard.  When I finally got to England, there were some other familial related stresses (like some big ones) which for privacy sake, I won´t get into right now.  Then, after getting through that, I made it to Spain, where I initially struggled with feelings of isolation and ¨What the hell am I doing here??”  I thought I had that figured out when I discovered how to navigate the buses, and an inexpensive language school in the center of Madrid.  Then, however, the new hurtle arrived, which is to say, I realized the mother was crazy.  Then the stress of leaving that situation in a hurry, and the not-knowing of what would come next…

Which brings us up to date with the current struggle of still not knowing if this is going to work, still feeling lost, confused, alone, and to a certain extent, TIRED of everything.  Apatheic, I guess.  Not sure if  I can summon up the energy to make this situation work for two plus more months.  Being all alone in a foreign country is hard, and for some reason, this time around it feels 10x more difficult than my central american experience.  Probably because meeting people felt so much easier than it does now.


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